Sympathy Flowers Etiquette: What to Send, Where, and What to Write

Quick answer: Send funeral or service flowers (standing sprays, wreaths, large arrangements) directly to the funeral home, church or venue before the service, and send sympathy flowers (vase arrangements, plants, softer bouquets) to the family's home, either in the first days after the loss or in the weeks that follow. Keep the card short and sincere, such as "With deepest sympathy, thinking of you all." When in doubt, call the funeral home or check the obituary for the family's wishes.

Sending flowers after a loss is one of the oldest ways to show you care. The etiquette is simpler than it seems, and a thoughtful choice always matters more than getting every detail perfect.

Funeral Flowers vs. Sympathy Flowers

These terms are often used interchangeably, but there is a useful difference.

Funeral flowers

Funeral flowers are displayed at the service. They are often larger and are traditionally sent by close family, friends, colleagues or organizations. Common types include:

• Standing sprays and easels
• Wreaths and hearts
• Casket sprays, usually ordered by the immediate family
• Large floor or altar arrangements

Sympathy flowers

Sympathy flowers are sent to the family, usually at home. They are smaller and meant to comfort the family directly:

• Vase arrangements in soft whites, greens and pastels
• Hand-tied bouquets for the family to arrange
• Plants and orchids, which last for weeks

Browse our custom sympathy flowers for both.

Where to Send: Funeral Home or Home?

Send to the funeral home or service venue if:

• You want the flowers displayed at the service.
• You are sending a larger piece such as a standing spray or wreath.
• The service is within a day or two.

Send to the family's home if:

• You want to support the family privately.
• You learn of the loss after the service.
• The family has asked for a private service.

When sending to a funeral home, include the name of the deceased, the date and time of the service, and the funeral home address. We recommend delivery several hours before the service begins, so staff can place the flowers.

When to Send Sympathy Flowers

• For the service: Order as soon as you know the date. Same-day delivery is available when ordered by 2:00 PM, but more notice is always better for funeral pieces.
• To the home: Any time in the first week or two is appropriate.
• Later on: Flowers sent a few weeks or months later can mean a great deal, when the initial support has quieted down. Anniversaries and holidays are also meaningful times to remember someone.

When Flowers May Not Be Appropriate

• "In lieu of flowers" requests. If the obituary asks for donations instead, honor that wish. You can still send a small arrangement to the home later if you are close to the family.
• Religious traditions. In Jewish tradition, flowers are generally not sent to the funeral or a shiva home. A food basket or a donation is more customary. For Muslim services, flowers may or may not be welcome depending on the family. Hindu and Buddhist families often welcome white flowers. When unsure, ask a family member or the funeral home.

Choosing the Right Flowers

Classic sympathy choices include:

• White lilies for peace and remembrance
• White and soft-colored roses for love and respect
• Orchids for lasting beauty and strength
• Chrysanthemums for honor and remembrance in many traditions
• Hydrangeas for heartfelt emotion

A favorite flower or color of the person who passed is always a meaningful choice, even if it is bright and unconventional. In South Florida homes, we often recommend long-lasting blooms that hold up well in warm rooms.

Florist tip from Anastasiia: "For a family at home, choose something that needs little care, like a compact arrangement that is ready to display. Grieving people shouldn't have to search for a vase or trim stems; the flowers should simply bring a little quiet beauty into the room."

How Much to Spend

Typical ranges at local florists:

• Home sympathy arrangement: $100 to $250
• Large service arrangement: $200 to $400
• Standing spray or wreath: $250 to $500+

There is no expectation that you spend a particular amount. A modest arrangement sent with care is always appropriate.

Sympathy Card Message Examples

Keep it short, sincere and focused on the family. For more ideas, see our guide on what to write on a flower card.

Simple and traditional

• "Our hearts are with you."
• "Holding your family in our thoughts in the days ahead."
• "With love and heartfelt condolences."
• "Holding you close in our thoughts."

For a close friend or family member

• "We are so sorry. We love you and are here for anything you need."
• "Sending you all our love. [Name] will be deeply missed."
• "Remembering [Name] with so much love today."

From a colleague or company

• "With sincere condolences from all of us at [Company]."
• "Our thoughts are with you and your family."

For a service arrangement

• "In loving memory of [Name]."
• "Forever in our hearts."
• "With love and remembrance, the [Family Name] family."

Avoid phrases that can feel dismissive, such as "Everything happens for a reason," and focus on remembering the person and supporting those grieving.

Ordering Sympathy Flowers With Monalli

We deliver sympathy and funeral flowers to homes, churches and funeral homes within 20 road miles (driving distance) of our Coral Springs studio, including Parkland, Boca Raton, Fort Lauderdale and Weston. Sympathy arrangements are made to order on request: Anastasiia designs each one in the studio, and we text you a photo before and after delivery so you know it arrived. For specific service timing or a custom tribute, call us at (954) 393-4920 or start a custom order.